When you hire a Nanny, and she begins to learn your children's routine, and your children begin to develop a love and respect for her, you may begin to feel quite jealous of her. You will be especially vulnerable to this if you work full time and have a young child or infant. It is our experience, that single parents with children of all ages also get these feelings. These feelings are common. A bond between child and Nanny is healthy, and actually reflects the existence of a warm and loving relationship between them.
If you do feel jealous, acknowledge it, and share your feelings with your spouse and/or a good friend. It is something normal which you will have to go through. When you realize that you still are the most important person in your child's life, the jealousy will recede. You should take pride in the fact that you have provided your child with a consistent and loving person to be there in your absence.
You should remember, that just because you have a Nanny, does not mean that you cannot be with your child when you are home. The Nanny can be doing other things when you want to care for your child. What is important however, is to be clear with the Nanny who is "in charge" so that your child cannot go to you when the Nanny has said "no" to a request. You must not undermine the Nanny’s authority. The reason many professional Nannies do not want to "share" a job with a mother at home, is the difficulty in not knowing when they have the authority and responsibility to make decisions.
The key thing to remember is that you shouldn't fire a Nanny because you are jealous, unless you are willing to assume full-time care yourself. If you delegate a substantial part of your child's care to someone else, you must allow your child to form a loving relationship with that person. You will learn that you are still the most important person in your child’s life. If you are concerned, keep an important part of childcare for yourself. Of course, spend as much time as possible during your infant's early months to develop the bonding that the experts say is so critical. For older children, you can call home at a regular time each day or set aside a special time before dinner or bedtime for the child to talk about her day. Perhaps you can have special family dinners where you have a routine, "What good things happened to you today?"
The situation that is best to strive for is one in which both parents and Nanny speak highly of each other and of their involvement with the child.
In Search of Nanny, Inc.
30 Rantoul Street, Suite 2
Beverly, MA 01915
Phone 978-921-1735 Fax 978-921-5049
©
In Search of Nanny, Inc. Family Information Guide 1988